Marion [En voix-off] : We were on a journey to Italy, like the title of a movie with a happy ending. Really, we were mostly in Venice beacause it is the city where lovers go. It's also the city overwater that will end up underwater.

Marion [En voix-off] : Now, we're a true couple. Two years that we've been together. Two years nowadays, it's almost a miracle. Two years of happiness with ups and downs, and in-betweens, mostly.

[A la gare de Paris, en attendant le taxi, Jack est abordé par des américains et leur indique une fausse direction pour le Louvre. Marion revient.]
Marion : What's going on ? What's... What happened ?
Jack : Well, they wanted to know where the Louvre was, so I told them.
Marion : You told them ? You know where it is ?
Jack : No.
Marion : And you told them to go this way ? But It's miles away.
Jack : Well, now we're at the beginning in the taxi line. See ? Survival of the fittest [Loi du plus fort].
Marion : They're gonna go straight to the suburb [banlieue]. I mean, they're your compatriots.
Jack : My compatriots ! They voted for Bush, you know ! They're on a Da Vinci tour ! They're the physical embodiment of all that's wrong culturally and politically with this world. Maybe they'll see something other than the Mona Lisa. Get involved in a riot or something.
Marion : You're so mean, but you're so bright. I love you. [Et elle l'embrasse.] Ohh ! You're so smart ! [Jack éternue.] Ugh !
Jack : Sinus infection.

Marion : I'm Marion and I'm a photographer. It's ironic since I can't see much. I have a birth defect on my retina - it's just full of tiny holes. How can I describe to you what I see ? There it is - my vision of the world. Yes, everyone sees the world literally differently.

Marion [en voix-off] : This is Jack. He's an interior designer. "Kids are like rats, they carry diseases." Something he said on our third date. I thought it was so...
Jack [dans le taxi] : Look at the light.
Marion : ... sweet.

[Marion a une grosse valise à monter au premier étage.]
Jack : Having a little trouble there, honey ?
Marion [Elle se met à genoux.] : I need your help. Oh ! I need a strong man to carry my suitcase.
Jack : Oh, I thought you wanted to be a strong, independent woman who carry on luggage..
Marion : Yeah, I am a strong, independent woman. I am a strong, independent woman. [Elle monte sa valise en écrasant Jack.]
Jack : Ok, I got it, I got it.

Jack : So this is your big investment, an apartment one floor up from your parents ?
Marion : It's convenient [pratique].
Jack : Yeah, especially if you like privacy.
Marion : No sarcasm in Paris.
Jack : Ok, I'll be quiet for two days.

[Jack vient de découvrir la salle de bain de l'appartement de Marion à Paris.]
Jack : Oh my God !
Marion : What ?
Jack : Honey, what the fuck is that ?
Marion [Après avoir jeté un coup d'oeil] : Oh, it's a leak [fuite]. It's an old building. There's leaks all the time. The plumber... Well, there's no plumber in France.
Jack : Is that black mould [moisissure] ?
Marion : What's black mould ?
Jack : The deadliest fungus, if you inhale it.
Marion : Don't inhale.
Jack : It's not funny. I mean, seriously.
Marion : All right. It was there when I was here in January. It's fine. It's not black, it's green. Look at it. It's green. It's like blue cheese. It's fine. It's probably good for you.
Jack : OK, everybody out. I'm condemning the bathroom. It's a hot zone, a biohazard.
Marion : OK, we'll shit in the corner of the room.
Jack : We'll shit outside.
Marion : Yeah, perfect.
Jack : Honestly, this place is like a Petri dish for allergens [un vrai nid à allergènes].
Marion : Listen, we have allergies because we are too clean, OK ? 100 years ago, we were covered in parasites and we had no allergies.
Jack : Really ?
Marion : Yes.
Jack : So, is that the same theory behind the French not bathing ?
Marion : Yes.

[Jack se sent pas bien, il trouve un thermomètre sur la table basse de Marion.]
Jack : Can I use this thermometer ?

[Et il le met dans la bouche.]
Marion : I usually don't use this one in the mouth.
Jack : Hm ?
Marion : I don't use this in the mouth.
Jack [qui recrache le thermomètre] : Oh, come on ! What's wrong ?
Marion : What ? It's a French thermometer.
Jack : But when you're five, you still use a thermometer up your ass ?
Marion : It's the only way to get our temperature properly.
Jack : Oh, bah, Why ? Why, with you ?
Marion : I haven't used it in a few months.
Jack : Ugh !

Marion : You know why people are attracted to one another ? No, but really attracted ?
Jack : I try to kiss you and I get a lecture [un cours de science].
Marion : No, no, but I'm not kidding.
Jack : Ok, you tell me why.
Marion : 'Cause people of very different immmune systems are attracted to one another, so the offspring [progéniture], the baby will have a stronger immune system with the combination of the two immune systems. [Il fait semblant de dormir.] Don't snore [ronfler] ! It's important.
Jack : No, yeah, I was saying the same thing.
Marion : It's interesting.
Jack : Seriously, it's like dating public television, you're really that.
Marion : I know ! And you don't like that ?
Jack : No, it's very educational. Really sexy. Anyway, that's complete bullshit. My parents were madly in love with each other when they had me and look at my immun system - it's a fucking wreck.
Marion : Well, I know, it was probably more an intellectual attraction...
Jack : I see, I see.
Marion : You know ? And that's why they slipt up after you were born.
Jack : You are so sweet. So what you're saying is because your parents have been together like 87 years, or whatever the hell it is - 38 years - that somehow you're genetically superior.
Marion : No, I'm not saying that. Why do you have to make everything a competition ? I mean, look at me, I'm barely alive [Je survis à peine].
Jack : How do I make everything a competition ?
Marion : Well, look, for example, I'm a photographer and you keep taking pictures of everything. The other day, in Venice, while I was taking a picture of you under that bridge, you started taking a picture of me while I was taking a picture of you.
Jack : What is this, "shit all over Jack day" ? [C'est ma fête ou quoi ?] I try to kiss you, next thing I know I'm genetically inferior, I'm a copycat with no identity of my own...
Marion : I never said you were genetically inferior...
Jack : Anyway, I know exactly what are you talking about.
And I don't understand why you don't take it as flattery that I'm interested in phot... ? Aah !
Marion : OK, I love this argument. Can we just go on, no, because I'm enjoying this, really ? It's lovely. [Jack commence à renifler Marion.] What ? What is it ? No, you're scaring me.
Jack : No, I'm sensing something.
Marion : What is it ? Like, I have cancer or something ? You smell like a tumor ? You're like those dogs ?
Jack : I'm like a dog !
Marion : Yes, dogs trained to smell something.
Jack : No, no, I'm not a cancer-sniffing dog. I'm sensing that we have very very different immune systems, and really, I think we should do something about it.
Marion : Really ? Like my immune system is very different from you so our offspring would be really really strong. [Ils commencent à s'embrasser.] Oh, that's nice. All right. But maybe in the meantime, before we do procreate, d'you mind getting a condom ?

[Jack et Marion s'apprêtent à faire l'amour, Jack lui enlève ses lunettes.]
Marion : I can't see you. I could be having sex with Gregory Peck or something.
Jack : Well, good for you.

[Marion et sa mère discutent à propos de Jean-Luc, le chat de Marion qu'elle a laissé à ses parents pendant son voyage à Venise.]
Marion : Dis donc, il a pas grossi, ce chat ?
Anna [En rigolant] : Y'avait des boîtes de foie gras qui allaient être périmées, alors...
Marion : Tu lui as filé du foie gras ? Mais tu sais qu'il mange que ses croquettes Croc-Blanc. Ça fait 10 ans, 10 ans que ce chat existe, je ne le nourris que de ça. C'est très mauvais la graisse pour les animaux. Mais il est énorme. Ben oui, c'est ça, il ressemble à Papa, tu l'as transformé en gros tas. Dès que tu as quelque chose sous la main, tu le transformes en gros tas. Regarde-le, c'est même plus un chat. Tu sais, ils vont pas me laisser le prendre en cabine. C'est ça l'problème, c'est pour ça que je le garde mince. 5 kilos max. Ils sont obligés de le mettre en soute et après, il faut les droguer. Y'en a plein qui meurent pendant le voyage.
Anna [en gémissant] : Comment tu peux dire ça ? Je m'occupe de lui pendant 2 semaines. Je l'adore, ce chat. Ça était l'enfer avec ton père, il le déteste. Il l'appelle Bouffe-Chie-Dort. Et maintenant, tu me dis qu'il est trop gros.
Marion : Nan, mais calme-toi !
Anna : Et qu'ils vont me le mettre en cage ! [Elle essaie de l'arracher des bras de Marion.]
Marion : Mais tu lui fais mal ! [Elles se disputent quand le père arrive.]
Jeannot : Mais qu'est-ce qui se passe ?
Marion [En voix-off] : My mother's always been good at crying, turning any situation to her advantage. In a few seconds, my dad will reprimand me and never agin will I mention that Jean-Luc has gained ten pounds.
Jeannot : On a même pas pu partir en vacances à cause de toi. A cause de ce paillasson de luxe.
Marion : Tu dis : "Paris, l'été, c'est génial, tous les cons sont partis avec leur sale bagnole, etc."
Jeannot : Si tu fais encore chier ta mère, ça va barder ! Regarde-moi comme il est gros, il a été coupé... Comme moi ! C'est pour ça que j'ai grossi ! [Marion rigole.] J'ai été coupé par ta mère. [Et il s'en va, sa mère derrière lui en criant "Salaud !". La caméra monte au premier étage et on voit Jack à la fenêtre.]
Jack : Is, uh, everything OK down there ?
Marion : Yes, why ?
Jack : No reason.
Marion : Are you coming down ? We're having lunch in 30 minutes.
Jack : I'm a little terrified, but OK.

[Dans un taxi, Marion rigole en reniflant.]
Jack : Nice snorting.
Marion : You used to like my snorting.
Jack : I know, but I said that...
Marion : After two years, it gets a little tired ?
Jack : I said I like your snorting 'cause I was trying to get in your pants [de te mettre dans mon lit]. After that, there was no need to compliment you any more.

[Marion et Jack dans la rue à Paris.]
Jack : I can't believe we've not run into one single person I know this entire trip. What about the Collective Dynamics of the "Small-World" Network ?
Marion [en voix-off] : "Collective Dynamics of the 'Small-World' Network" : a book Jack read where we were in Venice. Everywhere we went he was looking for proof that this theory works. It's very simple : our world is small and if you travel to the other side of the planet, there is a very high probability you will bump into someone who lives right down your street. Scientifically, it is proven that it's not just chance. We are a whole and everything is connected. The illusion of chaos in which we live is actually orderly and definitely linked. But it's just a theory, and Jack spent our two weeks in Venice looking for a sign of it, and nothing.
[Et là, Marion rencontre Manu, un ex-copain.]

[Après que Marion ait discuté avec Manu.]
Jack : So what's the deal ? That guy was looking at you like you were a big leg of lamb [un gros gigot d'agneau] with a fork and knife...
Marion : Well, I am a big leg of lamb.
Jack I know, but you're my leg of lamb. How do you know him ?
Marion : Well, we met many years ago and we had a little thing. I think I gave him a blow job - no big deal.
Jack : Really ? A blow job's no big deal ?
Marion : Oh, I'm sorry. No, I mean, it's not big deal in comparison to what's going on in the world. You know, there's George Bush, the war in Iraq, avian flu. And there's a blow job. You know what I mean ? In consideration...
Jack : Nice transition.
Marion : It's a pretty minor event, don't you think ?
Jack : Yeah. I'd say it's not minor, if you wanna talk in the political scheme of things. I mean, if you think about it, I mean, it's a blow job, after all, brought down the US's last chance at a healthy democracy, so...

[Jack et Marion sont à une soirée près d'un buffet.]
Marion : You want some more food ?
Jack : I'm OK, honey. I'm 35.
Marion : OK, fine. [Et elle s'en va.]
Jack [à un inconnu] : She still breast-feeds me [elle me donne encore le sein], but don't tell anybody !

Mathieu : By the way, did you notice how most woman have their pussy formatted, like they have that horrible cut, you know ? The subway ticket.
Jack : Subway ticket ?
Mathieu : Yeah, it's the "ticket de métro", we call it. It's a narrow rectangle.
Jack : Oh, landing strip [piste d'atterrisage].
Mathieu : Yeah, I hate it.
Jack : You don't like that.
Mathieu : It's horrible. I actually call it "Hitler's moustache".
Jack : Wow ! You really hate it !
Mathieu : When you look at the thing like this [Il prend peur], I go : it's horrible. It always makes my cock [bite] back away... No ? It's not the right term ?
Jack : No, well... [...]
Mathieu : You know when it gets scared or cold ?
Jack : Oh, yes. Scared, I guess ? Cold.
Mathieu : Maybe Americans don't have that problem. You're never scared of entering hostile territories... And, by the way, I'm Mathieu. Nice to meet you.
[Marion arrive.]
Marion : Hey, sweetie.
Jack [lui chuchote] : Guy's talking about fascist vaginas.

Manu : She [Marion] told you we used to be together ?
Jack : Yes.
Manu : But it was, like, 15 years ago,o so it's no big deal at all, really. She was 19.
Jack : Ah, just a child.
Manu : I gave her her first orgasm through intercourse [premier orgasme vaginal]. Oh no, this is rude. I know when I'm rude, this is rude. I'm sorry about that.
Jack : Oh no, no, no. Hey, look, you paved the way for the rest of us, right ? I drink to that.
Manu : Let's toast to that. Anyway, it wasn't even a big love story or whatever. More like brother and sister.
Jack : Oh. A brother and sister that have sex.
Manu : Yeah, no big deal.
Jack : Well, to each his own.

Manu : I feel that I'm your brother, and what's mine is just yours, man.
Jack : Does that mean that what's mine is yours ?
Manu : If you wanna give, I'll take it.
Jack : Really ? So this applies to everything ? Let me just explain something to you. I'm American, right ? And in America, what's mine is mine. See, my first religion is private property. Don't trespass. Don't touch my shit, or I'll kill you.

[Jack et Marion sous la couette]
Jack : OK, this is what I'm talking about.
Marion : What ? I'm trying to get on top.
Jack : I know.
Marion : You keep fighting it.
Jack : Yeah, 'cause you always wanna get on top.
Marion : What do you mean ? But that's how I like to do it.
Jack : That's how you like to do it, but I'm here too. I'm not a human dildo [objet sexuel].
Marion : You're not ?
Jack : I'm serious. For all this talk about women being objectified, oversexualised, being pieces of emat and baby-making machines, it's men, it's men who are pieces of meat. It's true, 'cause there's such emphasis placed on the female orgasm. What's the best position for the woman ? You know what I mean ? It should be a two-way street.
Marion : I really feel for you. It must be horrible to be a man and be used and be an object. I really support your cause. You should call Amnesty. You know what ? I'm not in the mood any more.
Jack : No, no, no.
Marion : How d'you want me to have sex with you ? No, I'm not doing this right now.
Jack : Please, I'm sorry. Let's do it from behind.
Marion : No ! OK, I wanna do it on top and you keep... OK, listen, now I'm traumatised. I've been rejected. You know what it is for a woman to be rejected ? No, no, it's over. I'll probably never eat again. I'm probably bulimic or anorexic.
Jack : No, no, no.
Marion : Leave me alone.
Jack : Honey, come on, we haven't made love the entire trip.
Marion : Well, yeah ! Who wasn't in the mood ?
Jack : I was on the bowl [aux chiottes], all the time ! Did you wanna mount me while I was shitting my guts out [je me vidais de mes tripes] ?
Marion : No, don't say it anymore. Don't. I can't hear you say the word "shitting" any more. And I'm too tired to fight. Can we do it tomorrow ? Thank you. I'm gonna sleep with the cat. He's much sexier anyway.

[La mère de Marion entre dans l'appartement et entame la conversation avec Jack]
Anna : Jeannot very angry with me. Mad at me, because of Jim Morrison.
Jack : He doesn't like the Doors ?
Anna : Because me with Jim... Yes.
Jack : You.. ? You and Jim ? Oh.
Anna : Une petite liaison, toute petite. In 69, many people were very happy with their body. No SIDA, no death... Sex fun. Everyone with everyone.
Jack [à lui-même] : Oh, the mother is a slut, too !

[Dans un restaurant, Marion et Jack. Sur la table d'à côté, 4 personnes dont 2 que Marion reconnait.]
Gaël : Salut.
Marion : Salut. [Après un silence] Tu travailles toujours à ton journal de technocrate ?
Jack : What ?
Marion : Nothing. I'm just saying hello.
Jack : D'you know those guys ?
Marion : Just a little bit. [Au gars à côté de Gael] Ça va, Edouard ? [Et à Gael] Au moins, t'es fidèle en amitié, c'est pas mal, déjà.
Edouard : Tu veux qu'on y aille ?
Gaël : Non, c'est bon. [...]
Marion : C'était bien ton voyage aux Philippines, au fait ? [Jack hallucine]
Jack [En serrant la main de Gael] : I'm Jack. [...] Enchanté. [A Marion] See, that's how we do it in America.
Marion : One second.
Jack : OK.
Marion : Le voyage pour lequel tu m'as laissé tomber, pour être libre. [...] Non mais c'est ça, les expats, ils se remettent jamais d'être allés dans ces pays. C'est comme les coloniaux, ils se remettent pas. La vie est si belle, les femmes si... douces, si jeunes.
Gaël : T'as fini ?
Marion : Ah ben, tu parles ? Il te serait pousser des couilles en quelques années ? C'est intéressant.
Gaël : C'est pas de ma faute si t'as pas digéré que j'te largue.
Marion : Non, ça, j'ai très bien digéré. Ce que j'ai pas digéré, c'est autre chose. Mais peut-être que tu ne veux pas qu'on en parle devant tout le monde.
Jack : Should I leave ?
Marion : I'm sorry, sweetie. It's gonna be fine.
Jack : Why don't you just tell me what's going on, as a courtesy ? No ? Nothing. OK. This is fun.
Marion : En fait, t'avais ton originalité, j'ai découvert ça plus tard.
Gaël : Lâche-moi, t'étais juste pas mon genre, point barre.
Marion [qui commence à parler fort] : Vous voulez savoir son genre ?
Gaël [plus fort] : Bon, tu la fermes ! [Le serveur arrive et repart en croyant que ça va aller.]
Marion : Son genre, c'est pas moi. Non, monsieur travaillait dans une ONG en Thaïlande et il se faisait des femmes de 12 ans alors c'est sûr que 30 ans comparés à une bonne petite de 12, c'est beaucoup moins sexy, c'est ça ?
Gaël : Non mais t'es complètement malade, toi, c'est dans la tête que ça s'passe. Non, mais t'es une psychopathe.
Marion : Non mais c'est ça... J'avais pas pensé... Il m'avait expliqué : on pense avec nos esprits d'occidentaux. Il faut pas faire ça. Là-bas, c'est complètement différent. Les femmes, les filles, les enfants, c'est normal qu'ils se prostituent. Ça fait partie de leur culture. Il faut se sentir absolument pas coupable de les baiser. Non, mais c'est vrai ! Non mais en fait, à toi seul, tu représentes bien l'état du monde : Sous des dehors de vouloir aider le Thiers-Monde, en fait, on les baise.
Gaël : T'invites cette histoire uniquement pour expliquer le fait que je t'ai larguée. Moi, j'voulais juste une nana qui sache fermer sa gueule.
Marion : Ah, c'est ça. Oui, c'est sûr qu'à 12 ans, on ferme sa gueule. Mais moi, j'ferme pas ma gueule. Au fait, Edouard, tu sais, la femme de ta vie, il se l'ai faite quand vous étiez ensemble dans le Lubéron... Oh ! Oh mince ! Oh non, tu savais... Tu lui avais pas dit ? Oh, j'suis désolée, nan, vraiment, c'est une vraie gaffe.
Gaël : Putain, tu vas fermer ta gueule, connasse ! [Marion se jette sur lui pour le frapper.]

[Dans l'appartmenet de Mathieu, Marion s'est réfugiée dans la salle de bain. Mathieu a appelé sa soeur, Rose, à la rescousse.]
Rose [En tapant contre la porte] : Marion ! Maintenant, tu sors de là, d'accord ?
Marion [De la salle de bain, en pleurant]  : Non, Mathieu veut pas me toucher. J'me dégoûte. Je dégoûte tous les hommes. J'suis un gros thon.
Rose [A Mathieu] : Mais quoi ? Qu'est-ce qu'elle raconte ?
Mathieu : Mais non, pas du tout. Enfin, j'essaie de l'embrasser mais elle chiale tout le temps, c'est impossible.
Rose : Ben évidemment ! Elle est amoureuse de son mec ! Mais aucune psychologie, toi ! [Et à Marion] Enfin, Marion, mais qu'est-ce qui te prend de vouloir coucher avec cet abruti ?
Mathieu : Bon, je vous laisse.

Marion [En se remettant à pleurer] : Quand j'pense que y'a des gens qui meurent sous des ponts.
Rose : Oh Marion, arrête ! Oh non, tu recommences pas.
Marion : Non mais tu sais, l'autre jour, j'ai lu un article comme quoi on utilise 4 fois plus de papier Q que les mecs parce qu'on essuie à chaque fois qu'on pisse. Et puis maintenant, à chaque fois que je pisse, je m'en rends compte...
Rose : De quoi ?
Marion : De tout ce qu'on détruit.

Marion [en voix-off] : To sum up the four hours of discussion that followed, it's not easy being in a relationship, much less to truly know the other one and accept them as they are, with all their flaws [défauts] and baggage. Jack confessed to me his fear of being rejected if I truly knew him, if he showed himself totally bare [à nu] to me. Jack realised after two years of being with me that he didn't know me at all, nor did I know him. And to truly love each other we needed to know the truth about each other, even if it's not so easy to take. So I told him the truth, which was I'd never cheated on him. And I also told him that I had just seen Mathieu that afternoon. He did not get mad at me because nothing had happened, of course. I confessed the thoughest [la plus difficile] thing for me was to decide to be with someone for good - the idea that this is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. To decide that I will make the effort to stay and work things out and not run off the minute there is a problem is very difficult for me. I told him I could not be for just one man for the rest of my life. It was a lie, but I said it anyway. He asked me if I thought I was a squirrel [un écureuil], collecting men like nuts [noix] to put away [en réserve] for cold winters. I thought it was quite funny. Then he said something that hurt my feelings. The tone changed drastically. Then I misunderstood what he was saying. I thought he meant he didn't love me any more and wanted to break up. It always fascinates me how people go from loving you madly, to nothing at all. Nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less, another wasted love story. I really loved this one. When I think that it's over, that I'll never see him again... Well, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together. Then we'll slowly think of each other less and less, until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me - break up [séparation], break down [dépression]. Drink up, fool around, meet one guy, then another, fuck around to forget the one and only then after a few months of emptiness, start again to look for true love. Desperately look everywhere and, after two years of loneliness, meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you 60% of the time, you still can't live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well, you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.